Some thoughts for the holidays, even in the midst of financial chaos

The end of year holidays can be especially difficult for people and families in distress. But they are also a time to reflect on what we have and what we value, in the context of what is hopefully a long life. I meet and try to help a lot of people whose financial lives or businesses are out of control or falling apart, and the most important job I have is to help them put things in perspective, so they can take control of their lives. Here are some thoughts from that experience:

1. Life is a long road, and the bumps in the road become less important once we get over them. Many people dwell on the past, how much better things were, how they never thought they would end up where they are now. They forget that in the long run, things work out. Sure, there may be costs and difficulties, but facing them and accepting them leads to calm and reasoned actions. A certain degree of faith that we can get through this often results or is strengthened.

2. Our first obligation is to our family, and to preserving our ability to support them. People worry about the loss of a good credit score, or what people will think, or losing a house they can no longer afford. But our first duty is not to our creditors, but to preserving our ability to support and maintain our families and those important to us. If this means that we have to shed financial obligations that threaten our ability to keep our jobs, or to put food on the table, or to pay for medical care, then so be it.  In the long run, things are just things. The goal should be to get back to a situation where our basic living expenses can be paid with the income we have now.

But this may mean telling our children and family some unpleasant truths about our situation. Make no mistake, this is not something most of us want to do, but handled the right way and with the right perspective, it can strengthen our ties to those we love and who are our friends. What the rest think of us should be secondary. And children know that something is wrong. Leveling with them can reduce anxiety, and help them be "part of the team".

3. Enjoy and revel in the things that money cannot buy. Family, friends, shared experiences. I have known people for whom confronting and dealing with their financial situation has been liberating. They have come back to a point of valuing the important things. They have experienced the freedom of not having to worry about preserving things that may not be necessary, at the expense of what should be important.

4. Have faith that no matter what happens, "this too shall pass". Many years ago, someone told me it is not the number of times you fall down that counts, but the number of times you get up. All my clients eventually find a way to get on with their lives. Things get better once you confront the situation and develop a plan to move on. From spinning out of control, they have a grip on the "wheel", and they are steering their lives to a better future.

For more information about this subject, see our website at http://www.nv-njlaw.com/